27th of January 2021.
My partner of 9 months broke up with me. I am trying to write this in the midst of my pain. I have decided to be absolutely truthful about how I am feeling and as long as this pain lingers I will keep writing it till I can feel no pain anymore.
Forgive the maybe scattered nature of this emotion because I am writing what I am feeling as I am feeling it. I am not a writer. I am a man in pains and this pain has no relief drug.
I am in the denial stage that this can't be happening. Something in my head keeps telling me that it is a joke and she is playing pranks on me. This is my first heart break story and I do not know how to handle this.
For years I have been playing the careful man game, not getting into relationships with all my heart. I was scared of going through a pain like this. I have had my fair share of rejections from females but the pain of rejection is one and definite but the pain of heartbreak is physical and compound.
At this point, I can't seem to concentrate and write my codes because my hands are shaking, even still shaking as I write now.
For the First time, I told my sibling I am in a relationship. For the first time I confidently told my Uncle that I am in a relationship. I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved this girl.
As a matter of fact, I am starting to include her plans in my own plans. Things are beginning to fall into place for me gradually and I was determined to take her along at all cost. I was told to keep my relationship life private and secure, I made sure of that and was ready to blow it up whenever she is ready. For the first time in my life, I really felt the emotion of loving someone deeply.
I feel this inexplicable surge through my heart that it feels like a heart burn. I feel the surge of anger, sadness, pain, disappointment, confusion all at the same time because it just doesn't make sense to me. I am tempted to ask for closure on what the matter is. We have had our fights but I made sure to squash it, talk it out and forget it. I had decided that as long as she didn't cheat or call this off, I was in full time.
This pain is real and all means to escape it has proved abortive. I have heard and read about these things but I have never felt one. Now I have and it is not good, I have refused to shed a tear because its not death but this ......
Dear God, I was brutally honest in this. This is not good and I really need your help at this time...