Understand!

First before anything, you have to understand me; then, I can understand you. You have to understand that I have to deal with me first before you; that I need to assure myself that it’s okay to understand you. But, how can I understand you, when I’m struggling to understand why you have refused to understand me?

The switching on and off, the mood swings, the transfer of aggressions, the bitterness, the nonchalance, the hate, the conflicts; these are cryptograms that you don’t understand me and as such can’t reason with me. But you need to reason with me baby; if we are to keep functioning together. Once we can reason together; you will understand my words, actions, reactions, attitudes, emotions, pains and ambitions.

• Lady to Gentleman: Baby, can you reason with me? Growing up, I never fathomed that I will be with you today; pleading with you to reason with me so as to understand me. Just like in the creation story from the bible, I may not be part of the creation plan but here I am with you. I’m yet to understand if I’m part of your plans or am I just wasting my time? I have the right to be confused because you are yet to convince me; right now, I don’t even know if you are deceiving me.

Who am I to you? I’m still struggling to understand if I am for the fun or the future. How long do you plan to drill me till we reach rock bottom? Is there no gold to be found in my mine? Oh dear, do you plan on leaving me dry after sucking up all my natural resources? Sometimes, I sense that you have some reserves; but I don’t want to jump into conclusions yet. If am not enough for you, reason with me baby; let me know what to add up, to reach your expectations. Is it my body? My coordination or my skills? Reason with me if I’m not your type; let us both find someone better. I know that most times, I’m very dramatic; but I am tired of your charades. You promised that you would take care of me; but the little favors I asked, seem too demanding for you. You met me independent; why do you complain as if I’m a liability to you? Do you consider me dependent on you?

My friends said that I made the wrong choice, and you made me believe that it’s true. Please baby, save me from this ruin; I want to run away from you. It’s not my desire to fulfill your desires; only to be undesirable later. If I am just the available to you; I want to be unavailable. Reason with me baby, you have to give me reasons why I shouldn’t explore other options. You said that I should be loyal, what will my loyalty fetch me? You said that I should be faithful; but you are unfaithful to your promises. Do you want loyalty or submissiveness? why do you always persist in dominating? You said that we females are weaker vessels; shouldn’t you be protecting me then? Are you ever supposed to beat or hurt me?

I have given you all I can possibly offer; my love, my body, my loyalty, my time, my money; yet, you want to deny me my freedom. You aren’t my father remember; even my father has his limits when it comes to controlling me. If not so, I wouldn’t even be with you in the first place. You have to understand that I can’t be with you if you keep disrespecting me, deceiving me, abusing me, cheating on me or taking me for a fool of many flukes. I’m not your toy, that you can play with and dump anytime and anywhere you choose at your discretions; later to be disposed as refuse when you believe that you have outgrown me. Stop comparing me with other ladies, if they are that desirable; you ought to be with them. If you have another that’s the special one, let me know so that I can decide if I want to be part of the game you are playing. I’m more than you little games; I won’t allow you to play me like I don’t belong in this league. I know the same things you know; I can play those games too, but you won’t love it and neither would I. Don’t ever try leaving me on the bench; I may have to force myself into the pitch because I’m not your bitch. Be careful with me!

Lastly, I plead with you to reason with me baby; because I love you and would want us to work out for the better. If we are in this relationship to break up later, you have to let me know; let me plan on other options. For what it’s worth, I’m supposed to be your friend too; don’t you have good wishes for you friends? You ought to always wish me well; can you stand to see your friend hurt? Will you be happy if someone treat your sister the way you treat me? Remember that you could have daughters in future too; is this how you would love them to be treated? Boo, you really need to reason with before I start reasoning with others. On the contrary, if we can’t reason together now; be prepared to deal with a woman scorned if you ever betray my trust and love.

• Gentleman to Lady: Babe, I need you to reason with me; for I wouldn’t love to come terms with the truth that all good things fall apart. I may not be good negotiating anything that isn’t business; but you make me feel like you are my business. In this case, how much or how long do I have to keep investing in this relationship before it can yield profit? Of course, I ought to have plans; as to whether you are part of it or not depends so much on you. You have to understand that I should be the one adding you to my plans and not you squeezing yourself in; hope you know the difference?

Who am I to you? Of late, I find it problematic to grasp if I’m your partner or whether I’m your father, younger brother, employee or bank; because you got me playing all those roles. Sometimes, you always pray on me to do the impossible that’s not within my limit; baby, I’m not God. How do you expect me to fulfill your wishes that your father couldn’t; shouldn’t you be praying to God our father in heaven instead?

Baby, why is it an offence when I say how I feel too; am I supposed to be without emotions? You always claim that I overreact whenever I caution you; are you without fault baby? The modern society said that I should be a gentleman, that I shouldn’t hit a woman; please, don’t turn me into a man the world will hate. Reason with me baby, what do you expect me to do with all these insulting and hurtful words you throw at me? Nobody likes a nagging woman; nobody should smack a woman; how long till your frustrations drive me to aggression? Baby, I may not be that man today; but if you keep pushing me beyond my tolerance limits; I may be that man tomorrow. Don’t forget that I am still human; we’re all capable of anything. Never blame me later, when it is late.

You have to reason with me bae, I chose you to be my partner and not my mother. Stop pushing me to unnecessary pretenses. Quit trying to make me drop all of my lifestyles because of you; being with you is part of my lifestyle too. Stop comparing me with other men, if they are that good; shouldn’t you be with them? Baby, don’t be part of my burdens; I’m always praying that God releases me from them all. You are not a trophy that I should contest with other men; I rather disqualify myself, than participate in a competition that am not yet ready for the challenges. Dating is not marriage; hope you understand the variance; and even if? You can walk away anytime you choose, I can walk away anytime I choose; let’s not blame anybody for leaving anybody. I wouldn’t want to be part of the reason when you say that “men are scum”.

Lastly, I plead with you to reason with me baby; because I love you and would want us to work out for the better. If we are in this relationship to break up later, you have to let me know; let me plan on other options. For what it’s worth, I’m supposed to be your friend too; don’t you have good wishes for you friends? You ought to always wish me well; can you stand to see your friend hurt? I could be your father in the next life, would you want your father to be fooled the same way you are fooling me? If I’m your brother, would you love it; if am at the losing end of this game we are playing? If you succeed in draining of all my resources and run away; how will I take care of another? With or without you, I still have a future ahead of me to plan. If you have another that’s the special one, let me know so that I can decide if I want to be part of the game you are playing. On the contrary, if we can’t reason together; don’t act surprised when you see a player that not only plays like Lionel Messi, but also scores from post to post like Cristiano Ronaldo. Just like these players, I don’t like losing; but if loosing you would make the best player, just know that I would take that option if you ever try breaking my heart.

As noted above, any relationship that lacks understanding needs not continue; understanding is the backbone of relationships. When there’s understanding; those petite glitches associated with relationships will be solid with ease. In that case, lack of understanding is enough insignia that you need to fall out of love.

With criticisms in view, the above reasoning does not in any way reflect the relationship life of the writer; in case you start to wonder what is yet to be. But, if my relationship starts to lack understanding; just like I advised, I would simply fall out of love and fall right into the arms of another because there’s always love to find. The same way I equally advise my partner to obey the relationship commandments, no one should be involved in a toxic relationship; it’s capable of destroying both your career and your life. Don’t just read, apply the knowledge and experiences I shared. Your feedbacks on the above stated facts will help not just you and your friends, but the world at large. Reviews and criticisms are welcomed; Thank you!

EMEKA CHIBUIKEM V✍️

X: @Victorviri